I tired adding this yesterday but tblog (under technical difficulties) wouldn't let me log in. damn internet-run bastard. [LINE] I think rather than anything in this world, what I want right now is to be alive. And that I am. I can live with that. From now on, I'll try my best to be in a better mood, as often as I can be! I don't think it's fair that when everyone else is down, that I continue to bring them down. Today was mildly uneventful. My alarm went off at 6:45, instead of 6:00 (I guess I must have set it wrong!). I hop out of bed, and in some strange coincidence, my clothes are already layed out for me. I was like: SWEET! (cuts time in half). I get upstairs, and grab myself an Oatmeal-To-Go, then rush out the door. I get on the bus, and kind of daze in and out for the twenty minutes it takes us to get to school. I think I cried. We get off the bus, and Jade hands me a cigarette. Here I am thinking: God bless, her!. I smoke the whole thing then head to my locker. I empty out my stuff then go upstairs and hang out with Sarah until homeroom starts. Jade walks into homeroom, and tried to give me a hug. I don't know why, but I snapped. I was just like: "Fuck off, Jade. I don't want a hug." I felt king of bad, but at that particular moment, I didn't want anyone touching me. After homeroom, I followed Kayla to her locker to get a note she had spent the previous day writing to me, she wasn't done writing it yet. So I went off to parenting. The class was uneventful. We started talking about life lessons to teach children, and how early you should teach them. It's a hard thing to decide. I had my spare enxt, so I went outside with Jade and Mandy (bad Mandy! don't keep skipping gym!!). On my way out, I pass by Kayla's law room to get that note. Jade gives me another cigatrette, but for some reason, this time I finish it, but start to feel really nauseated. I'm not usre what it was, but it was almost as if there was a voice in the back of my head (*more later*). I then head to the library, to catch up on tblog (another site that i use to keep people updated on my life). After reading a few of those, I decide to email Colin, to check up on him. I got worried. Then the bell rang, where I rushed down to drama. Once I got in the room, it was like some of the tenson that's been bothering me lately, started to lift. We had warm-up, and I think I need to start stretching everyday. It really made me feel a lot better. Then we split into groups to make-up choreography to Luck Be A Lady, from the Guys and Dolls (soundtrack/movie/musical ). So far, our little group has 3 of the 4 counts of 8 down pat. It's so much fun. It put me in a better mood, aswell. After that, Andrew decided (mostly cuz I asked him, I think) to go to Colin's house to check on him. (God bless you, Andrew). When there was about 20 minutes left in lunch, Kayla decided she wanted to go to McDonald's, and asked Mandy and I if we wanted to come with. So all three of us raced outside to catch the 116, to GO DOWN THE ROAD. (what, we didn't have enough time otherwise!) We got to McDonald's, ordered, and ate in less that 7 minutes! Go us. Instead of waiting for the bus, we decided to speed walk back. We got there 1 minute after the warning bell. We decided that should become a sport! lol!! I didn't have the time to get my stuff and get to Chemistry before the bell. And from what I remember, Ms. Johnson hates us coming in late. And will kick you out anyways. Why bother? So Jade and I got our stuff together and went to the library. We were going to stay in there until English, that way we wouldn't have to move our lazy asses for an hour and 40 minutes! (sweet deal eh?)We checked tblogs some more, i read geoffica's livejournal, and then we just goofed around. When English came around, the goofing continued. We just did... nothing. LoL. 'Cept now, we had Geoff and Kayla to do nothing with. It was pretty awesome. After English, I had French. It's the first class I've been to in about a century! Raji was doing her presentation. About 5 minutes into her presentation the phone rings. It's Mr. Bibaud, he wants me down in the office. Uh-oh! Here we go. So I go downstairs, and hear the "Skipping Is Bad" lecture. I know, but the thing is.. sometimes it's so TEMPTING. Anyways... I agree not to skip again, unless there's an ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY. I head back up to French class for the last 5 minutes of Raji's project! The bell rings for the end of the day, and I head downstairs to my locker. Jade and Mandy and such are down there, and we all get really hyper, and get on the 642 to go home. It was tres funnie. "Shut up Crystal, I'm on the bus!" Jade, I do not sound like Marge Simpson!! hehe. I get off the bus, and on the walk home, I run into Erika. She's kind of upset. Her crush of two years or so, supposedly like someone else! *hug* (*more later*) I get home, and nothing exciting happens. I just come online, and start talking to random people. Anyways, to add on to the (*more later*)s. The voice in the back of my head. It was either Geoff or Mike. And I know it! Now you see, this morning on our way outside, Geoff saw me with the cigarette. And he gave me this look. And I wasn't sure what kind of look it was. But it made me.. sick. It was the kind of look you don't want to get from anyone. No, not hatred, not disgust, but a hurtful wonder. It was almost as if his eyes were trying to figure out how things could have gotten so bad for me, in less than a year. But when I got outside, there was a part of me which wanted to hand over that cigarette. But it wasn't really a part of me. It was this other person, screaming. The second (*more later*) That got me thinking of how I feel. Deep inside, emotionally, physically, mentally, and whatever other way you can feel. Physically, I'm still sore. A bit tired, and somewhat scarred. I don't think I ever want to go through another experience like that again! Mentally, I'm getting better. Everything isn't my fault anymore. No one's out to get me. No one's purposely trying to use me, or abuse me (in the mental sense). But when it comes to emotionally, I wish these feelings would just go away. Look, no more secrets (not that they were secrest anyways) but ONE is Mike, and TWO is Geoff. Just to clear things up. I love those guys so much. It's very difficult. Because I know it works with both of them. But I also know it doesn't work. I should just move along, and forget it. Be single, have fun. But ... I don't want to. I DONT WANT TO... Mike, is a sweetie in the long run. Super Sexy! He cares about me a lot (at least he says so). He's always there when I need him, and we have some amazing conversations. About everything, and the inside jokes are a blast. He just doesn't realise how much he hurts me sometimes. I know he really doesn't mean to. But God, I wish he could just see. I mean, he came to my house the day after Valentine's Day just to check on me, make sure I was ok. That's all fine and dandy. And knowing Mike, I knew he'd have a story for me about his day with his 'friend'. Sure enough, they spent the day fooling round. Then he has the nerve to ask me if he can have a kiss. You know what, I don't think so. He makes me so mad sometimes. Geoff, he's amazing. He makes me laugh all the time. And he's uber talented (Go HITP)!! He's got awesome eyes, and the best hugging arms in the world. I have so much fun talking to him, and just hanging around him. (thinks to self.. i could just kill angie). See that's the thing. He lieks this girl, Angie, and from what I remember of knowing her in grade 8, she's extremely nice, and extremely cool. But what's she's doing to him now, is totally NOT cool. Sure she may be busy, but she could take 5 minutes to call, and be like: "I'm so sorry, but I'm busy tonight." Just because.. gah! She's like ignoring him or something... I can't really say too much cuz I don't know both sides, or enough of one side to say anything. Also, I don't want to move in. Kayla's still all head over heels, and I feel bad everytime I turn on my whole "yah, im a flirt" attitude. *sigh* The Days of Our Teenage Lives...
the end is near. or is was near. i cant explain what happened, or even justify doing it. i couldnt stand being here anymore. i didnt want to be here anymore. so i tried to leave. no i didnt run away, that would have been a waste of time. i will bring you back with me to how i felt. i didnt want to feel. my heart and mind were in a place that my body wanted to follow. they had given up, and i was ready to aswell. i was in my room, and decided it was time. i walked across the hall to the bathroom. the carpet was soft under my feet, until i got to the bathroom. the floor was cold, and the cracks between the tiles felt awkward. i started undressing, looking myself up and down in the mirror. feeling sick to my stomach. i hated what i saw. reaching under the sink, i pulled out the bottles. they were small in my hands. awkward. i started running the bath. the hot steam rising from the scalding water coming from the tap. i decided burning was not the best thing in the world. i turned on the cold water tap, and let it cool down so my skin wouldn't burn. i went into the bath, and soaked my tired self for a few minutes. i began to relax, and let the water take over. my brother knocks on the door. I close the curtain, and tell him he can come in. his voice is sweet, and innocent. "I just need to use the bathroom." "Don't flush, I'm running the water." "Okay." he leaves. and i think to myself that im going to miss him. but can you miss things when your dead? he closes the door. i reach for the bottles, all three of them. Acetaminophen (extra strength) - 20 tablets. Tyenol (regular strength) 20 tablets. Acetaminophen (codeine) 18 tablets. im shaking at this point, and i drop the bottle into the water. i get out, and walk back across the hall into my room. im crying now. this is it. my time is up. and for once i think i feel happy. i cant leave without saying goodbye. but the only person online i know i can say goodbye to, and most likely get away with it is ONE. he never cries. i made him cry. he pleaded with me to get it out. get them out of my system. i cant. i didnt want to. i think he got tired of trying, and he left. i couldnt take it. the thought of leaving him or having him leave me. made me sick enough to puke. and i did. right into the garbage can in my room. and it was over....
wow.. sorry for that bit of depressing news. but you all needed to know. and now here i am still. xoToodlesox Malibu
since no one can really understand what i say when i write anyways, im just going to write stuff down. how come i feel so alone? i sit in a computer room with one of my friends, and i feel like im not here. i left for a short while and realised that, once in the hall with everyone i knew, i didnt feel i was supposed to be there. our group is so diverse, and so wacky that when you put me right in the middle it's almost as if i take the mood down to the ground with me. i don't know how to explain it really, i just dont know how to handle them right now, i guess. im so far into my own thoughts and revelations, and so deep into my self-pity, that the surface seems too far away. it seems as if im drowning in my own troubles, and all i can hear or see is the light at the surface, the air at the surface, mocking me, out of reach. i can't breath a lot of the times. and i don't know how that is meant to be heard. i suppose it's a mind-type breathing. you know. i think, but can't think clearly, so the thought gets pushed aside, and new thoughts get pulled into place. being pushed down upon other thoughts until my mind doestnt know what its thinking about anymore. until i have no idea whats going on anymore. sometimes i wonder if my mind is even functional anymore. when i think it's a umble of words, all pushed into one common focus. which realy isnt a focus at all, but more of a mix-up of emotions and feelings of hate and torture. remember yesterday's complete anhialation of love, well it continues. lemme shed a little light on the subject. there are two guys. lets call them ONE and TWO. now ive dated both of these guys before. and foolishly enough i still love each of them. ONE, obviously came first, and ive known him the longest. weve shared so many experiences that it would be hard to imagine my life without him. TWO, ive known since halloween of last year. we started dating shortly after, and it was a pretty good relationship until it ended (as by fault of mine). now the things is supposedly, they both love me. and i accept that fact (as friends is what im gathering), although im sure they don't mean to, each of them toys with me, a great deal. they both on some level, as much as i love them, both make me want to kill them. and myself. why cant these feelings just stop. why cant i just let go. let go of everything? xoToodlesox Malibu
okay. so i dont know what to say. or how to say it. but i guess you could say its like my heart is being ripped into a thousand different pieces all at once. i feel like i cant breath, but that im inhaling too much air. it's like im drowning, but floating through the air. i hate him. i hate them both. i hate me. why cant i just let things go? why cant i just get over things that shouldnt mean anything to me anymore? why is it that once i fall in love, i cant pull myself up again. i dont even think any part of my heart belongs to me anymore. it's as if each person ive loved has taken a piece of my heart, or maybe even a piece of my soul. everytime it feels like ive lost, a part of me dies. but somehow they always stay my friends. and that part of me dies, time and time again. it's almost as if they have it in the palm of their hands, and when they know im around or that i can see them, they squish it in their palms. it's almost as if they're saying: "you can't have us" "you lost a good thing" "you are worth none of our time" "we could care less" "we love you, but are not in love with you" cry me a river, right? *plays little violin on shoulder* i don't care what you say! you cannot make judgement until you've felt like this. trust me you really cant. and i cant explain it well enough for you to understand, i guess. i can't scream loud enough to be heard. i can't cry hard enough to let out all the pain. i just cant anymore. i want to freeze up and never love again. but it's those happy moments. the ones that make me smile, and give me a glimpse of hope for happiness that keep me wanting more. it's those moments that make the shadows go away, and die. but the shadows wait. they wait in the darkness, for that right moment to strike us. to bring us back down to the ground. love is a cruel joke. set up to torture those of us who truly care. those of us who truly want to help. those of us who truly want to... love. how can love and life be worth it if all that comes out in the end is the pain of a thousand broken hearts? xoToodlesox Malibu
So it's over. Again. How can I keep doing this to people. Sure, I'll date you. (within two weeks later) this is awkward, this doesn't feel right. And with the ones it does feel right with... I screw up and lose a great chance. In case there's any confusion... Colin and I are just friends. I guess you could say it was mutual, but I feel awful! *sigh* My heart and mind are being torn into several million different directions. But before I get into that, I'll describe my day yesterday.
I left my house at about 12:50 to catch the 85 to Lincoln Fields. I caught the bus before the one I thought I would. So I got to Lincoln Fields, and caught the 111 to St. Laurent. I didn't take it all the way to St. Laurent, but that's what the bus is called. I got off at the school, and met up with Chris. He must have been there a while, because he was reading when I got there! :P Then Sarah showed up about 5 minutes later. Geoff showed up about 10 minutes after that. Then Sarah brought up the point that Colin lived 5 minutes from her, but was going to walk the 15 minutes to the school! So I called him, and told him to keep his butt at home! We got to Sarah's, and then walked the 5 minutes to Colin's. The fun part, was walking through the field. The snow was up to my knees throughout most of it. And Chris and I were exhausted by the time we were at the train tracks. We trailed way behind Sarah and Geoff. We got to Colin's, and it was all good. The way back wasn't as bad. Chris and I didn't die. We got back to Sarah's, and it was cool. We hung out in the living room for a while. Then migrated up to Sarah's room to see it. It's a really nice room. So cozy. Well, being in a room full of people, and a bedroom at that, the sexual inuendo started. It was tres fun, as long as I wasn't the butt of the joke. Which if I think about it.. both Sarah, Sarah's 'flasher' bear and I were the butt of most of the jokes. But it was still tres fun. We got back downstairs and started debating on which movies we should watch. We went back up to Sarah's room, and I picked out: The Glass House (for all those who haven't seen it. it was pretty good.) It ended, and this huge tickle/beanbagchair/slapp ing war started. Then everyone got kicked out! I got home just on time.
That was yesterday :) It was a pretty good day. Just fun. Today isn't as fun. Don't know what to say about it, cuz nothing's really happened, except that Colin and I are no longer dating...
Valentine's Day, what can I say? (stupid rhyming words!) I don't believe in V-day. It's a corporate excuse to sell the excess cardboard that companies have from shipping all year. I could also say it's a psychologist's way of getting buisness. V-day makes those alone, feel almost none important. So friends/family would reccomend them to someone who may be able to help them. Economical/Corporate bastards, leave us alone. We suffer life enough as it is. Nothing too eventful has happened since Thursday, seeing as how I haven't really gone anywhere, or done anything. I went to the hockey game Thursday night (Boston Bruins vs. Ottawa Senators; Sens won 3-2). It was cool. When I got home, however, I had to talk to my mom about course selections. She was NOT happy that I didn't want to take french anymore. We had this big fight about it, until finally my mom says: "You don't have to take french." But she didn't just say it.. she kind of breathed it in a way that says: "but if you don't take it I will be disappointed." GAWD! I hate when parents do that!! So, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm waiting for my dad to wake up. He's supposed to tell me whether or not I can venture over to Sarah's today. She's invited a whole bunch of people over so no one has to be alone! YAY! xoToodleox Malibu
*The Time You Spend* 1 MINUTE AGO: Talking to Colin 1 HOUR AGO: Editing my Tblog Account 1 DAY AGO: Sleeping 1 WEEK AGO: Sleeping 1 YEAR AGO: Either sleeping, or playing computer games 1 YEAR FROM NOW: Scraping by in grade 12. 1 WEEK FROM NOW: Sleeping 1 DAY FROM NOW: Sleeping / Homework 1 HOUR FROM NOW: Probably still talking to Colin 1 MINUTE FROM NOW: Talking To Colin/ Doing This Survey
I HURT: inside I LOVE: my friends I HATE: life I FEAR: godbyes I HOPE: to be better I FEEL: nothing I HIDE: nothing I DRIVE: myself insane I LEARNED: to keep my mouth shut I NEED: to love/worry/care I THINK: im dying I DREAM: about being happy I WANT: people to be happy I MISS: happiness I BELIEVE: in hope
Well ladies, and gentlemen, it's been fun. I've had a blast sharing every detail of my life with you fine people. But it's been pointed out to me, that they're evil. They truly are. They're tearing everyone up inside. And so I'm leaving you now, never to write again. Have fun. If you're not a friend of mine in real life, and would like to keep in touch, ask another tblogger to get a hold of me for u.
This blog is dedicated to all my friends, and I hope each one of them has a chance to read this. [LINE] [b]Sarah:[/b] I don't know exactly what's been going on lately. All I know is I haven't exactly been there for you. I know I should try harder to understand, and to help you. So that's what I'm going to try and do. I'm glad you're feeling better though. If you need me, you can always call me. [b]Steven: [/b]What can I say? I guess I can't be a hypocrite and tell you to try to stop cutting. But I can ask you to begin to care about your health. Be safe. Don't do anything that could kill you. Know that I love you, the best way a friend can. I've known you since grade nine, and I don't intend to throw this friendship away. Neither should you. [b]Mandy:[/b] I don't know what to say. I wish life were easier on you, and your friends. I wish you could experience the goodness that each and every other person seems to be experiencing. I wish you could see the goodness that lies in you. I just wish you could see the amazing things you could accomplish. [b]Geoff:[/b] Thank you for just being a friend when I needed one. Thanks for loving me, the only way a friend can. Thanks for caring. I don't know where I'd be today had it not been for your love and devotion all through the last year. [b]Katie: [/b]You are much stronger than any of us give you credit for. You have been able to keep most of your innocence, and happiness. And I don't know if it's just for our benefit, but I know that somewhere inside me... it has helped. Your happy spirits have kept me from absolutely breaking. Thank you for being strong for everyone else! [b]Andrew: [/b]Just like your sister you've been able to keep your spirits up (90% of the time). You've always showed that you cared. And that you will try with every ounce of yourself to make sure everyone stays friends. Wether anyone wants to admit it or not, we all owe you one. [b]Chris:[/b] I appreciate the fact that you care enough to worry about who is good enough for me. But in the future, I'd hope that you would come to me, and talk to me. It may not be on the top of your priority list, but before you can pass any real judgement, you need to get to know him. Colin's great, and maybe you're right... he may not be good enough for me. But how do we really know who is? He makes me happy, and I will most certainly cherish that for as long as I can. [b]Kayla: [/b]I don't know what I can tell you. Well let's start with this. Thank you. You have been a good reason to keep living lately. I see you, and I smile. You radiate a certain amount of sunshine, no matter how sad you become. Also, as far as I know, you're waiting for that knight in shining armour to come and sweep you off your feet. Have you looked right in front of you? Chris is trying. He really is trying. He cares about you so much. I know you're worried about a rebound, and I respect that. But a prince can't wait forever. Try and smile a little more. It's not your fault. If I blaimed myself for every relationship that ended because of me, I'd be so deep in my own self-pity, I'd need a fucking shovel to get out again. [b]Jade:[/b] Honey, you know I love you, right? And I'm sure right now, these words will sting deeper than anything you've ever heard. But you are standing on dangerous ground. I know this is what you think you want, but hun deep inside you are so much like me, I can feel your pain. You can't live like this. Just because he can walk, he's a virgin, or he's got a dick the size of a god, doesn't mean it's good reason to jump in the sack. One of these days you're going to come across a guy who may seem alright, and you'll see he's not. If all they want is a couple of jumps in the hay, they obviously don't respect you enough to care. I can't tell you how to live, but I can tell you, that the longer you live like this, the less respect you are getting from your friends. [b]Colin:[/b]Thank you for being amazing. Thank you for accepting me the way I am. [i]"You are Mal. You are an amazing person, who i love. Whatever happens, you are Mal. Mal wants everyone to be happy, which is great. I'm glad you are Mal (Wow that sounded dumb)"[/i] I'm quoting you from our conversation last night. I want you to know it's things like that, that make me appreciate what we have. And I want you to know that no one could ever change my opinion of you. You're very important to me. In every aspect of life, right now you're helping me through. Never forget, you're my nose plug!! [LINE] I hope I didn't leave anyone out. Malibu
This is a letter I wrote to my friend Stephen in Oshawa last night... [LINE] Hello, As I sit here, bleeding, I am assuming this will be the most serious letter I will ever write you. Do not be alarmed, I am not bleeding enough to die, but enough to live. Do not ask me to explain for I am afrad I can not. My arm is burning an absolution. A truth, if you will. A reminder, that yes beneath the surface I still break. I still feel. I still cry. What am I doing? Who have I become? What does the future hold for myself? Am I to feel this way forever? These are all questions I wish would be answered. I know what I usd to be, but does it matter? The future holds nothing but time. The future is minutes from now, and holds nothing but answers from us. We make the questions with our actions here and now, and the future holds the time when all things will be answered. For instance, at this moment I fear the reaction of my friends when they discover my wounds. For even now, when I see them ask why. . . I do not have the answers for their souls. . . to rest, to not fear. Most of all, I await Colin's reaction. Because just today he was complaining of everyone's sadness, and self-mutalation. I fear he will be sad and angered by my questions for time. I wish I could explain this to him. To everyone. I suppose I just do not know anymore. Don't know if I am strong enough to handle the emotional imbalances of what it means to be a teenager. Even now, as the blood pours and my arm stings, I do not know how I feel. I guess I could tell you I feel sadness. But how? I am in a good relationship, my family life is alright, and I am an alright student. Is it my lack of reality? I wouldn't think so, seeing as my grasp of the real world is almost too strong. Too dangerous. Perhaps excessive happiness? But how can one be happy, when her world around her is plummeting to the ground. Perhaps down to hell. Maybe it's that I don't feel. Perhaps my arm is a way to show myself that somewhere, inside, I am still human. Underneath all the skin, muscles, and layers of built-up strength. . . somewhere under it all, I am still human. But as I sit here, I only feel the sting of a wound, not a human soul. I only feel the scratches into flesh. Maybe I'm not human... [LINE] I wrote that this morning between 12:37 - 1:02 am. And yes, it's all real. I figured I'd share it with the world. -Malibu
I forgot to add to my blog yesterday, and I am not allowed on the computer for the next century. As you've guessed, probably from the time, I'm at school. :x Stupid parents. My mom wouldn't let me on the phone while I was working on my french project so I'm kicked off for the net week!! Yesterday was an evil day. I don't think I've ever actually wanted to hurt someone before. Well, besides those guys who were sent to the hospital (remind me, and I'll tell you bout them later). But yesterday was a good day overall... don't have time to really finish. So seeing, as I'm going to my dad's tonight, I can finish up there!! :D
Sadness, what a thing of the past. I don't even really remember what it feels like. Sometimes I think I'm sad, when really I realise I'm extremely tired! You know, being so excited about life, I don't wanna sleep, so I get massive headaches, and start paying attention to negative things around me. So now I know I still won't get sleep, but at least I've pin-pointed the cause of my 'depression'. It's one step in the right direction to eliminating it! *jumps for joy* Today was Wednesday, obviously, and the day was awesome. I started in Math, and we worked on Ambigious Case. Some complicated sh*t! Then we had Parenting, and we picked out days to have the BTO (Baby Think it Over). Anyone who has taken, or is taking Parenting will understand what it is. I'm excited. I get it from the 1-2 of March. So, be prepared for evil blogs. LoL. I then had my spare, and Colin showed up at school. Poor kid was so tired. The night before he drank a 2L bottle of that Red Mountain Dew.. so he didn't sleep. I sat with him almost all lunch, and the period right after lunch too. I was SUPPOSED to be in history, but for some reason I didn't feel like going! *SNORE*. Then I went to Chemistry, and did the test. Now let's see. On the K/U section I got 90% easy! But on the T/I I only got like 55%... :( I should really study more! I went to English right after that, and listened to Ms. Hendrycks (one of the councillors [stupid word to spell]), give a presentation about how to choose your university, and what prerequisites you'd need. It was... boring. After school, Colin, Sarah, Jade, Chris and I all went to Andrew's house. Now that sounds wierd doesn't it? But Jade is living there right now, so it makes sense in the end. First Sarah and Colin played pool, and she won because he scratched while trying to sink the 8-ball. So I played Sarah, and won because she sunk the 8-ball, before she was supposed to. Then Colin and I played. There was one shot, and I was standing in the perfect place to make the shot. But I refused to move, so Colin tried to work around me. :lol: *is evil* :twisted: LoL. But he still won. He even tried to let me win, and it just didn't work. It was really sad! Later, Colin, Jade, Sarah and I were all in the computer room, and I went to lie down cuz I hurt my back really bad! I mean awful! I had an ice pack on it for like 40 minutes. (I jumped over the back of a couch, and landed funnie.) So I lied down, and Colin came and laid down with me. :D It was very cozy! But then I had to go home !!! :cry: NOT FAIR!!!! Anyways, so now I'm home, and I miss Colin. The poor baby needs his sleep. So he's in bed. Omg, he's such a QT!! *sigh* I'll shut up, because chances are Jade, Sarah or Kim will run across this and never let me hear the end of it!
xoToodlesox Malibu Ps. I haven't talked to any of the teachers, because it seems things are getting a little better. Well, at least I haven't noticed anything bad...
*is happy dancing to the max* Okay, time to inform you all of my exciting news. One, Andrew asked Sarah out! *Woot Woot! GO ANDREW!* But that's not the best of news. The best of news is.. I've done it ladies and gentlemen! I've bagged the perfect catch! YIPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! ! :D :oops: *is so very happy!* And he is such a sweetie .. wanna see his version of the story!? http://linkrockz.deviantart.com" title="http://linkrockz.deviantart.com" target="_blank"http://linkrockz.deviantart.c... There! *is too happy to speak* Wait.. I have more exciting news! Today, I discovered that I have very sexy shoulders. Ask Mandy.. or Colin.. but I don't know what he'll say.. that shy little devil. :wink: *is still doing a happy dance* Feels really good but very bad all at once! :? Poor friends. They is so sad :( 'Specially Mandy and Jade. Mandy's good friends are both in the hospital. One because of a coma, and the other for blood transfusion because she bit her arm open :cry: . Jade is so very sad, because as much as she 'loves' Cory, she can not truly be happy with him, but she likes her boyfriend Gordon. Reminds me of me a few years back, eh Krissy (lifeislife)!? I hope everything turns out well for them. I learned today that there's nothing I can really do. I have to either tell someone or let them deal on their own. So I am going to talk to Ms. Engle first chance I get. She's the teacher I trust the most to keep me anonymous. Actually, Ms. Rafuse all the way. Which ever one I get the courage to speak to first... But I need to help them somehow... I can't do it alone..
Alright, sorry for the depressing side of this.. but... :D YAY! COLIN! *does little dance*... should we give Sarah her bragging rights?
I should probably let all you people in on a secret, I've been keeping from everyone! That's right, from everyone. Normally, the minute I like someone, I'm running around blurting it to everyone, in hopes that the grapevine will get the message to him. This time, I decided to sit back, and see what develops. Well, Sarah decided she was going to pry from me the answer to the question: "Who does Mal like?" You see, I've always been known for liking someone, at all times. For having a back-up. Yes it's sad, and yes it's completely disgusting aswell. But this time I didn't have a back-up. I just liked someone. I never thought of him as.. "Okay, when this relationship is over, I'm going to ask him!" I used to think like that all the time, and it made me sick!! So, Sarah gets the answer from me, and what piece of good news does she have for me!? Nothing better than that he feels EXACTLY the same! *does little happy dance! :oops: :D * I was jumping for joy. Funniest part? He was on the webcam with me, and kept asking me wut was up! So I told him to ask Sarah. And low-and behold, he knows I like him too. Now nothing official has developed, but I'll be sure to let you know the moment something does (or within the same day anyways).
I tired adding this yesterday but tblog (under technical difficulties) wouldn't let me log in. damn internet-run bastard.
